A Christer Y2K with the Rights
This is a true story. As I look back on it, I am glad I attended that church for a while.....otherwise--how would I know what I know?
Once upon a time I went to a Christer church. Among the more interesting members were a family I will call the Rights. I call them that because they were so right.
I almost spent Y2K with them. I'm glad Y2K came along so I could get to know them better.
I remember them as aggressively political.
They wanted Gary Bauer to be president (not of the church, but of the U.S.). They wanted to play a Gary Bauer campaign informational tape right after the church service for the entire church so we'd all vote for him. That idea was dropped when some of us talked to the pastor about separation of church and state issues.
Mrs. Right thought of herself as a big, beautiful woman. Everyone else thought of her as fat. She was pathologically concerned with two things......Perkin's Pancakes and the sin of others, especially the sin of homosexuals, Muslims, and anyone who engaged in oral sex (you know who I mean, yes, you!) and she planted her two fat feet solidly in the middle of any demonstration of public prayer at any courthouse or public school within 100 miles.
After any church function many of us would gather at Perkin's for some Godly sustenance and fellowship. Mrs. Right was always there. She was large and she ate a lot. Maybe she was compensating for the lack of oral sex. She had no clue that her gluttony was gluttony. She might be a bit weak about food, but she had her Jesus.
Speaking of food, the construction contractor Mr. Right was as righteous as apple pie, and had a habit of hiring poor people from the church as temp day laborers on special projects and paying them sub-minimum wages in cash off the books so he could screw both the Unions and the evil gubmint (which wouldn't get any tax dollars).
He regarded this as charity.....he was helping the poor.
His company was small, but he was one of the richest people in the church. And the most obnoxious.
He got beat up one night while picketing a Masonic Lodge meeting. Yes, I'm serious. He did that.
He wore his bandages with pride. He was a martyr. (Free-Masonry is Satanic, you know.) You didn't know? Tell me, have you accepted Jesus as your personal Savior? I mean, I know you THINK you have......but have you REALLY?
One day he told me a joke. He said when the government came to get his guns he was going to give them all his ammunition before he gave them the guns.
I didn't get it. A lot of things he said didn't make sense and I would just nod and move on. Later that day I finally got the joke. Maybe it wasn't a joke.
When Y2K came around the Rights got real, real excited. A lot of people in the church got real, real excited. God was speaking many things to a lot of people about Y2K.
Can you picture it? If you've spent any time with the Christers....you can.
They wanted to stockpile the church with food and water and have us all spend New Year's Eve there. We were to have a special fund-raiser to buy a generator that would supply electricity for us.
It was uncertain as to how long the emergency and probable civil disorder would last, but we would be prepared for months, just in case.
The plan involved several emotional church meetings and finally was scrapped (about the time it got to the point where we decided how many guns we would bring and who would stand guard on--and distribute--the food supplies).
The real crunch came when we had to face the fact that we might have to shoot marauding looters who would try to steal the food of the righteous. The sharers and the hoarders were ready to shoot each other at that point.
Back to square one.
The Rights had a fairly large tax-deferred retirement fund in an account where they could cash it out only at quite a severe loss.
They had it set up that way so the evil gubmint wouldn't get their tax dollars, of course (and, hopefully, the rapture would come before the evil gubmint got ANY of the money).
But......with Y2K looming......they had no choice but to pull it out of the evil banking system at a huge cash penalty.
But they were not dismayed, because God was telling them He had a plan to make His children prosper in the face of disaster.
They used the money to prepare their home as a Y2K fortress (since the church had failed them).
They made their little fortress rock-solid and secure and holed up with a few friends and relatives to ride out the emergency and, hopefully, prosper in the New World Order that God would bring through Y2K.
They had food, gold (cash would be worthless in the New World Order) ammunition and many other items of necessity that they could sell or trade to those desperate unfortunates who had failed to prepare. They planned to not only survive, but become immensely rich and powerful.....a Christian Y2K dynasty.
More than half the church was caught up in the excitement of this Y2K adventure....and prepared in many ways and helped each other find useful information on how to survive and prosper in the New World Order.
The pastor supported them at first and then withdrew that support as things got crazier--although he did, himself, without saying much about it.....buy a generator for his own home and stockpile staple items for Y2K.
Well.....Y2K turned out to be a huge disappointment......disastrously non-disastorial.
People were stunned and confused.
Afterwards, the church almost split up due to the animosities that had built up during the weeks and months before that fateful New Year's Eve (the few and very few sane people had scoffed at the preparations and words had been exchanged and feelings had been hurt).
At a "Healing Meeting" the church discussed what had happened.....and the inevitable question came up: How could the most righteous people in the church....people who God had spoken so clearly to about Y2K......HAVE BEEN SO WRONG??
They had a simple answer that explained everything.
They had not been wrong.
All along.....even as they toiled in their extensive Y2K preparations--they had been praying that God would be merciful and spare the people (yes, even the worst of sinners--the liberals, the homosexuals, the feminists) from this awful fate.
And God had heard their prayers.
THEY had saved the world from Y2K.
And heads nodded all over the church and tears came to the eyes of the faithful and many said, "Praise God" and "Thank you Jesus" and the weeping grew into loud and outright cries and groans and admissions that we WERE NOT WORTHY of such a GOOD and MERCIFUL GOD.
And WAY more than half of the church, including even the Pastor, bowed their heads and gave thanks and praised God for being the amazing and just and merciful God that He was and for sparing us even though we were so unworthy.
And some people started singing and the Pastor sat at the keyboard and played the inspiring "Awesome God" chorus and a few other praise songs and some people started dancing and laughing and not a few ended up falling to the floor in holy ecstasy.
And so, God managed to turn even a disastrous NON-disaster into a great victory......He DOES move in mysterious ways.
NOW.....after reading this you may say--Oh, that was just a small group of crazy people.
But I assure you....this is not so. Scratch the skin of any Christer and what you find will surprise you.
The craziness is there--and all it takes is a Y2K or a 9/11 or any other similar excuse to bring out the murderer that lurks inside this merciful God's righteous children.
They may even hate murder--but they will watch it done in their name to protect their interests, especially their interest in secure oil supplies.
The murder in Iraq today is a clear example.
Amen.
Once upon a time I went to a Christer church. Among the more interesting members were a family I will call the Rights. I call them that because they were so right.
I almost spent Y2K with them. I'm glad Y2K came along so I could get to know them better.
I remember them as aggressively political.
They wanted Gary Bauer to be president (not of the church, but of the U.S.). They wanted to play a Gary Bauer campaign informational tape right after the church service for the entire church so we'd all vote for him. That idea was dropped when some of us talked to the pastor about separation of church and state issues.
Mrs. Right thought of herself as a big, beautiful woman. Everyone else thought of her as fat. She was pathologically concerned with two things......Perkin's Pancakes and the sin of others, especially the sin of homosexuals, Muslims, and anyone who engaged in oral sex (you know who I mean, yes, you!) and she planted her two fat feet solidly in the middle of any demonstration of public prayer at any courthouse or public school within 100 miles.
After any church function many of us would gather at Perkin's for some Godly sustenance and fellowship. Mrs. Right was always there. She was large and she ate a lot. Maybe she was compensating for the lack of oral sex. She had no clue that her gluttony was gluttony. She might be a bit weak about food, but she had her Jesus.
Speaking of food, the construction contractor Mr. Right was as righteous as apple pie, and had a habit of hiring poor people from the church as temp day laborers on special projects and paying them sub-minimum wages in cash off the books so he could screw both the Unions and the evil gubmint (which wouldn't get any tax dollars).
He regarded this as charity.....he was helping the poor.
His company was small, but he was one of the richest people in the church. And the most obnoxious.
He got beat up one night while picketing a Masonic Lodge meeting. Yes, I'm serious. He did that.
He wore his bandages with pride. He was a martyr. (Free-Masonry is Satanic, you know.) You didn't know? Tell me, have you accepted Jesus as your personal Savior? I mean, I know you THINK you have......but have you REALLY?
One day he told me a joke. He said when the government came to get his guns he was going to give them all his ammunition before he gave them the guns.
I didn't get it. A lot of things he said didn't make sense and I would just nod and move on. Later that day I finally got the joke. Maybe it wasn't a joke.
When Y2K came around the Rights got real, real excited. A lot of people in the church got real, real excited. God was speaking many things to a lot of people about Y2K.
Can you picture it? If you've spent any time with the Christers....you can.
They wanted to stockpile the church with food and water and have us all spend New Year's Eve there. We were to have a special fund-raiser to buy a generator that would supply electricity for us.
It was uncertain as to how long the emergency and probable civil disorder would last, but we would be prepared for months, just in case.
The plan involved several emotional church meetings and finally was scrapped (about the time it got to the point where we decided how many guns we would bring and who would stand guard on--and distribute--the food supplies).
The real crunch came when we had to face the fact that we might have to shoot marauding looters who would try to steal the food of the righteous. The sharers and the hoarders were ready to shoot each other at that point.
Back to square one.
The Rights had a fairly large tax-deferred retirement fund in an account where they could cash it out only at quite a severe loss.
They had it set up that way so the evil gubmint wouldn't get their tax dollars, of course (and, hopefully, the rapture would come before the evil gubmint got ANY of the money).
But......with Y2K looming......they had no choice but to pull it out of the evil banking system at a huge cash penalty.
But they were not dismayed, because God was telling them He had a plan to make His children prosper in the face of disaster.
They used the money to prepare their home as a Y2K fortress (since the church had failed them).
They made their little fortress rock-solid and secure and holed up with a few friends and relatives to ride out the emergency and, hopefully, prosper in the New World Order that God would bring through Y2K.
They had food, gold (cash would be worthless in the New World Order) ammunition and many other items of necessity that they could sell or trade to those desperate unfortunates who had failed to prepare. They planned to not only survive, but become immensely rich and powerful.....a Christian Y2K dynasty.
More than half the church was caught up in the excitement of this Y2K adventure....and prepared in many ways and helped each other find useful information on how to survive and prosper in the New World Order.
The pastor supported them at first and then withdrew that support as things got crazier--although he did, himself, without saying much about it.....buy a generator for his own home and stockpile staple items for Y2K.
Well.....Y2K turned out to be a huge disappointment......disastrously non-disastorial.
People were stunned and confused.
Afterwards, the church almost split up due to the animosities that had built up during the weeks and months before that fateful New Year's Eve (the few and very few sane people had scoffed at the preparations and words had been exchanged and feelings had been hurt).
At a "Healing Meeting" the church discussed what had happened.....and the inevitable question came up: How could the most righteous people in the church....people who God had spoken so clearly to about Y2K......HAVE BEEN SO WRONG??
They had a simple answer that explained everything.
They had not been wrong.
All along.....even as they toiled in their extensive Y2K preparations--they had been praying that God would be merciful and spare the people (yes, even the worst of sinners--the liberals, the homosexuals, the feminists) from this awful fate.
And God had heard their prayers.
THEY had saved the world from Y2K.
And heads nodded all over the church and tears came to the eyes of the faithful and many said, "Praise God" and "Thank you Jesus" and the weeping grew into loud and outright cries and groans and admissions that we WERE NOT WORTHY of such a GOOD and MERCIFUL GOD.
And WAY more than half of the church, including even the Pastor, bowed their heads and gave thanks and praised God for being the amazing and just and merciful God that He was and for sparing us even though we were so unworthy.
And some people started singing and the Pastor sat at the keyboard and played the inspiring "Awesome God" chorus and a few other praise songs and some people started dancing and laughing and not a few ended up falling to the floor in holy ecstasy.
And so, God managed to turn even a disastrous NON-disaster into a great victory......He DOES move in mysterious ways.
NOW.....after reading this you may say--Oh, that was just a small group of crazy people.
But I assure you....this is not so. Scratch the skin of any Christer and what you find will surprise you.
The craziness is there--and all it takes is a Y2K or a 9/11 or any other similar excuse to bring out the murderer that lurks inside this merciful God's righteous children.
They may even hate murder--but they will watch it done in their name to protect their interests, especially their interest in secure oil supplies.
The murder in Iraq today is a clear example.
Amen.
posted by Wadena | 3:09 PM
2 Comments:
I always wonder....what if Y2K actually had caused a breakdown of all our systems?
And these crazy Christers were the only ones truly prepared for it and then would be in a position to wield unprecedented power....
In their own crazy way....
I remember some of these people well. Scary bunch.
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